Breadbox: Attack of the Obviously Evil CGI Clones
by Mithquare
Summary: Muahahahahaha! Er, I can't remember waht the summary of this was, so... yeah!


EXT: 20th Century Fox and Lucas Film Screens  
Signature 20th Century Fox and Lucas Film music plays  
EXT: Starry Background   
STAR WARS  
Bad things are happening, as usual, and the Jedi are gonna save the day. Again.  
Pan Down  
INT: Space ship   
Quigon: let me in  
Obviously Evil Alien: sure, of course, we expect your arrival  
INT: Obviously Evil Space Station   
TC14: come with me so I can kill you  
Obi Wan: We are Jedi and I am feeling random disturbances in the force.  
Qui Gon: I must reprimand you.  
INT: Obviously Evil control room of obviously evil space station   
OEA: go kill the Jedi.  
INT: Obviously evil conference room of obviously evil space station   
Qui Gon: I sense something  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station.  
Emperor: kill the Jedi  
OEA: told ya we should!  
INT: obviously evil hall in obviously evil space station   
Droids: Lets give the Jedi an excuse to use their fancy swordplay  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
OEA: save me, save me!  
Other Alien: You are so stupid.  
INT: obviously evil hall in obviously evil space station   
Obi Wan: now lets vanish  
Qui Gon: ok  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
Other Alien: Your plan is still not working!  
INT: obviously evil hanger in obviously evil space station   
Qui Gon: Lets split up for little real reason and warn the naboo.  
Obi Wan: Ok  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
Amidala: I will not go to war. You will lose.  
OEA: as if!  
INT: beautiful conference room in beautiful palace in Naboo   
Palpatine: I know nothing (even though I am responsible for everything).  
Amidala: Negotiations are the answer to everything. PEACE!  
Random Counselor: We are being invaded!  
Amidala: I refuse to believe such slander  
EXT: Random Forests   
OEA: Find the Jedi.  
Droid: ok  
Jar Jar: mesa gonna jumpsa infrontsa ofsa shipsa sosa isa cansa diesa.  
Qui Gon: You are stupid.  
Jar Jar: (unintelligible talk)  
Audience: (makes cross out of fingers)  
Qui Gon: take us to your city  
Jar Jar: ?  
Qui Gon and Obi Wan follow Jar Jar   
Audience: I guess he agreed to take then to the city  
EXT: Random underwater scenes INT: obviously cgi city   
Qui Gon and Obi Wan: That was weird  
Other Gungans: no we don't want to have to deal with you! We thought you were gone!  
Head: (if possible, even harder to understand than Jar Jar)  
Audience: please kill me now.  
Qui Gon: I can now use my spiffy Jedi mind tricks. Now I am gonna be mean and take Jar Jar with me.  
Obi Wan and Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
Audience: (to boss) Wow you can spit!  
Obi Wan: (to Jar Jar) why were you banished?  
Jar Jar: blah blah blah.  
Big scary, cgi shrimp follows them and scares the hell out of audience and Jar Jar. The food chain is demonstrated.  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
Emperor: take over naboo  
OEA: ok  
EXT: still in the ship, under water, being pursued by scary cgi fish.  
Qui Gon: I like the force. Now I will sedate Jar Jar.  
Audience: thank you!  
Obi Wan has fun playing with big cgi fish and saves everyone's life   
INT: palace of Naboo Tanks roll into naboo   
Amidala: all the thanks and my capture will not be enough to go to war. And yes, I do need lights at the   
bottom of my dress.   
EXT: palace of Naboo   
Qui Gon and Obi Wan: We are gymnasts. Are you impressed with our rescues and jumps?  
Amidala: Save me  
Audience: you have just been saved! Gosh, you are kinda slow huh?  
Qui Gon: Lets fly away.  
Amidala: ok  
Qui Gon and Obi Wan: We like killing droids.  
Audience: We noticed! Hey, George, did you mean to have the bottom half of a droid wandering around?  
George: ask my staff.  
EXT: naboo cruiser   
R2D2 fixes the ship and saves everyone's lives.  
Audience: We love you R2D2!  
Captain: lets land on tatooine so we can meet Anikin.  
Padme: YAY! The love of my 14-year-old life.  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
Emperor: look, finally someone more scary than me, the obviously evil Darth Maul!  
OEA: I am afraid  
INT: naboo cruiser   
Padme: I will clean R2D2  
R2D2: yeah, that is a really good reward for saving your lives!  
Jar Jar: I annoy the heck out of everyone  
Audience: we know  
Jar Jar: good, wesa are alsa on the samesa pagesa.  
Qui Gon and Obi Wan: disturbance.in.force!  
EXT: Tatooine   
Padme: take me with you  
Qui Gon: I don't want you to come but ok  
Padme: I feel so loved. Not.  
INT: watto's shop   
Qui Gon: I think Anakin is in. there! Jar Jar, don't touch anything.  
Jar Jar: okie day (breaks something)  
Ani: Hi, I am 10, let me hit on you.  
Padme: marry me!  
Jar Jar breaks everything in sight  
Audience: we hate you!  
Qui Gon: (hand trick) credits will do fine  
Watto: you are a sucky Jedi. Pay me real money.  
Padme: I love you ani  
Anikin: I love you padme  
INT: naboo cruiser   
Obi Wan: I am soooo hot  
Audience: we love you sooo much  
EXT: Tatooine marketplace   
Jar Jar: let me steal some food and get beat up  
Ani: you are really stupid.  
Audience: we know!  
Qui Gon: come with me  
Ani: come to my house. Sand storms are very, very, dangerous.  
Padme: yay I get a chance to see you again  
Ani: I am such a bad actor. Mom I'm home!  
INT: anikin's house   
Mom: so soon? I thought I was free of you. Who is that freak you brought with you?  
Audience: we all hate Jar. George, can ya please kill him off?  
George: no  
R2D2: I like you  
C3PO: I like you too.  
INT: naboo cruiser   
Obi wan: I am the only one worried about the naboo.  
INT: Anikin's house   
Ani: I really am useless. Hey, let me set up some future plot elements! You are a Jedi  
Qui Gon: Yep. Were invincible too  
Ani: save me  
Qui Gon: ok  
Padme: I love you Ani!  
Mom: gamble yourself out of your problem  
Ani: well, there's a convenient pod race tomorrow.  
Mom: ani, you can't race. So, go ahead. Just cause padme is madly in love with you.  
INT: Watto's Shop   
Padme: I am really the queen  
Qui Gon: I don't care if you approve or not.  
Qui Gon: so watto, we make ani race. And I'll talk you into doing a deal that's good for me and bad for you. I'm so   
very clever.  
Watto: I totally don't get it.  
INT: naboo cruiser   
Obi Wan: are you sure this is a good idea  
Qui Gon: (on Motorola talk about walkie talkies) sure, ani's really cool!  
Obi Wan: what?  
Qui Gon: he's got lots of midichloria  
Obi Wan: huh?  
Qui Gon: never mind  
EXT: Anikin's back yard   
Mom: oh, by the way, ani had some sort of Christ-like immaculate birth  
Ani: isn't my pod cool?  
Friends: No! Let's leave this jerk  
Jar Jar: I'm gonna do something stupid  
C3PO: Jar Jar is really stupid huh?  
Audience: you didn't notice? And by the way, can Jar Jar's speech possibly be any more impaired.  
Jar Jar gets tongue numb from the beams  
Audience: I guess so  
EXT: night, anikin's balcony   
Ani: I have impossible dreams  
Qui Gon: good for you. Obi Wan, I need this blood test.  
Obi wan: wow, he's got lots of midi chlorines.  
Qui Gon: I thought. never mind.  
Obviously evil ship lands. Obviously evil darth maul exits obviously evil ship and lets loose obviously evil   
machinery.  
EXT: Pod hanger   
Watto: you wont win  
Qui Gon: let's raise the stakes.  
Watto: not too high, not. I'm only an AVID gambler.  
Qui Gon: fine, I'll use Jedi tricks to make sure I get Ani.  
Padme: what!? You have never finished a race? My love for you is not dwindling, just my faith.  
Obviously evil machinery searches marketplace   
EXT: pod race   
George: CGI is your friend!  
Audience: this is kinda boring; we can only take so much CGI.  
George sends lightening bolt down on theater, proving, once more, that he is Zeus.  
Padme: wow you won! I love you even more  
Cast: good job Ani (even though you did nothing since it was all CGI)  
Watto: I lost everything.  
Qui Gon: tough. Now gimme my stuff.  
Watto: fine! I hate you.  
EXT: near ship   
Obi Wan: oh no! I hate tagalongs (i.e. Jar Jar)  
INT: Anikin's house   
Mom: we are rich!  
Ani: I am going away with Qui Gon, hehe!  
Padme: YAY!  
Mom: love ya ani  
Ani: yeah I love myself too.  
Mom: makes speech  
Audience: shut up already. George, you singed my eyebrows with that lightening bolt.  
George: don't mess with me!  
Mom: I have a puffy skirt  
Ani: this is my last innocent moment, cherish it!  
Theme music plays  
EXT: near naboo cruiser   
Obviously evil Darth Maul receives obviously evil machinery and sets out on an obviously evil speeder in an   
obviously evil attempt to kill the Jedi  
Qui Gon: I like my light saber  
Captain: Qui Gon is in trouble  
Audience: no duh!  
Qui Gon is saved. Obi Wan meets Ani   
INT: naboo cruiser   
Obi Wan: hi Ani (oh damn another one)  
OEA: we are at war  
Captain: we are at war  
Amidala: negotiations, people! War is not here yet!  
Audience: grow out of your shell, please!  
Padme: I love you ani  
Ani: I love you padme  
Padme: I am queen  
Ani:. I love you Padme  
EXT: Corescant   
Palpetine: let me greet you so I can begin betraying you right away!  
Ship People: ok!  
Palpetine and Valorum: we are obviously evil  
Ship People: ok!  
INT: senate building   
Palpetine: quit working on negotiations, just go to war! Then make me chancellor and then I will help   
you.  
Amidala: okie day  
INT: Jedi counsel   
Jedi counsel: Ani is evil  
Obi Wan: I knew it!  
Qui Gon: Nooo he is good! He has a Christ-like birth and lots of midichloria  
Yoda: it is midi chlorines, you idiot, and he is still evil.  
Amidala: who is this annoying boy?  
Ani: where is Padme?  
Amidala: she is oot and aboot (making all the Canadian readers angry and cringe)  
INT: congress meeting   
Congress: just go to war lady! We like the trade federation.  
Amidala: make Palpetine chancellor and let me go off and cry.  
Palpetine: my obviously evil plan is working  
INT: Jedi hall in Jedi building   
Obi Wan: I am smarter than you!  
Qui Gon: no, you are not  
Obi Wan: give up on the boy!  
Qui Gon: no!  
Audience: we feel for you Ewan. Poor Ewan. He is so hot!  
INT: Jedi counsel   
Yoda: fear.leads to anger. Anger. leads to hate. Hate. leads to suffering. Suffering...leads to.  
JAR JAR!!!  
INT: queen's room in senate building   
Jar Jar: blah blah blah.  
Amidala: shut up Jar Jar.  
Palpetine: I will be chancellor.  
Amidala: oh no!  
Palpetine: I am obviously evil  
Amidala: I am home sick. Good bye.  
INT: Jedi counsel   
Yoda: fear. leads to anger. Anger. leads to hate. Hate. leads to suffering. Suffering.leads to.  
JAR JAR!!!  
Windu: he is not Jedi material.  
Qui Gon: I will train him anyway.  
Obi Wan: (under breath) stupid, stupid man.  
Ani: I'm gonna be an obviously evil Jedi. Yay!  
EXT: runway   
Padme: I love you Ani  
Ani: I love you Padme  
Padme: I am queen  
Ani:.I love you Padme  
Qui Gon: midichlorians are parasites that help us  
Ani: cool I got lotsa parasites.  
Jar Jar: I am annoying  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
OEA: we are at war  
Audience: we know that already!  
Emperor: obviously evil Darth Maul is coming to visit.  
OEA: okie day  
EXT: Naboo   
Amidala: help me Jar Jar  
Jar Jar: okie day  
Audience: d‚j… vu! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Obi Wan: I am sorry  
Qui Gon: you are wiser than me  
Obi Wan: Duh  
Amidala: help.  
Padme: I am queen  
Everyone: wow  
Ani:. I love you Padme  
Padme: help me boss nass, you are my only hope.  
Audience: Ahh! Flash back to a New Hope, or flash forward. George, stop messing with our minds!  
INT: obviously evil control room of obviously evil space station   
Emperor: what are my chances of the cart I am on falling off the balcony?  
OEA: good I hope  
EXT: naboo   
Boss: you can be general, Jar Jar!  
Audience: Baaaaaaaad idea.  
R2D2: I am really good at using CGI.  
Audience: you ARE CGI.  
Amidala: here's the plan. We'll send a bunch of useless ships to destroy the droids while we sneak into the palace.   
We'll definitely win!  
OEA: sure!  
Massive Gungan CGI army fights massive droid CGI army with lots of neon colors.  
INT: naboo palace   
Qui Gon: Ani, why don't you stay safely hidden in a fighter?  
CGI Fighters leave to blow up obviously evil massive CGI space system controller and Ani hits autopilot.   
Audience: bloody brilliant idea there Ani, NOT!  
Jedi: look we found obviously evil Darth Maul  
Rest of group searches for OEA/ Viceroy.   
Maul: I will fight the Jedi.  
Massive CGI sword fight including lots of needless waving around of light sabers near the head. Also many starring   
contests between fighting.  
INT: Naboo Palace that has been taken over by obviously evil CGI droids   
Company tries to take out 2 droids without success!  
EXT: Battle field   
Gungans retreat, Jar Jar jumps on a droid.  
EXT: Space   
Puny, unimpressive, yellow, CGI space fighters blow up huge, impressive, CGI space station from the inside out.  
Audience: no, no, death star, nooooooooooo!  
George: muahahahahahahahahaha  
INT: Palace   
Company leaves the undefeated 2 droids and somehow beat the viceroy.  
Qui Gon gets hit in the back with a light saber but suffers no injures, amazingly enough. Obi Wan watches fight   
before flying up several stories. Qui Gon gets stuck in the beams and meditates while obviously evil Darth Maul   
plots his next move.  
EXT:Battle Field   
Jar Jar: I'm gonna do something stupid, okie day?  
Gungans surrounded by even more droids.  
INT: Palace   
Qui Gon shows that he aint that swell with a light saber and gets cut up and dies.  
Obi Wan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Audience: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Stop with the flash back. forwards already!  
George: flashes are fun!  
Obi Wan: I am better than Qui Gon!  
Obi Wan gets pushed down a ledge and his lightsabor is kicked down a CGI hole.  
Audience: EWAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
EXT: Field   
Droids fall apart because the ship is dead. Gungans rejoice.  
INT:Palace   
Obviously evil Darth Maul shoots sparks down at Obi Wan. Obi Wan summons Qui Gon's light saber with a mind   
trick, jumps up and cuts obviously evil Darth Maul (with a very stunned look on his face) in half. Obviously evil   
Darth Maul falls down the CGI hole and his CGI body breaks in half.  
Qui Gon: I'm still alive. Defy the Jedi Counsel and teach Ani. I'm gonna die now, okie day?  
Obi Wan: Nooooooooooooooo! No more Okie.day!  
Obi wan begins to cry   
INT: cremation chamber   
Palpetine: I lost. Waaaaaa. Ani, I am evil.  
Ani:. I love you Padme.  
Obi Wan passes his Jedi test and defies Yoda and takes Ani as a padawan learner.  
Yoda: fear. leads to anger. Anger. leads to hate. Hate. leads to suffering. Suffering. leads to.  
ANOTHER MOVIE!!!!  
Qui Gon is cremated.  
Yoda: always two there are, a master and an apprentice.  
Windu: which was destroyed?  
Very suggestive camera pan to Palpetine.  
EXT: Naboo  
Random parades take place with lots of really CGI looking CGI people.  
Ani: like my new do?  
Padme: I love you Ani  
Ani: I love you Padme  
Padme: I am in a weddingish dress. Wanna marry me?  
Ani:. I love you Padme.  
Jar Jar does something stupid.  
End credits in which George Lucas is named excessively   
George: don't you love my movie?  
Audience: er...  
Really old guy in the front row: we waited 50 years for this piece of crap?  
George sends lightening bolt and kills old man   
Ominous music plays at end credits- what could happen next? Don't worry, We'll write it tonight! 


End file.
